MISS FOGARTY'S CHRISTMAS CAKE

I was visiting the Estabrooks today. Doug and Laura recited this poem by heart--their Grandfather had taught it to them. It was quite funny--so I thought I'd share it...

MISS FOGARTY'S CHRISTMAS CAKE
C. Frank Horn
--: Shaw, W. F., 1883.

As I sat at my windy last evenin', the letter man brought unto me
A little gilt-edg'd invitation sayin', "Gilhooly, come over to tea."
Sure I knew that the Fogartys sent it, so I wint just for old friendship's sake,
And the first thing they gave me to tackle was a slice of Miss Fogarty's cake.

CHORUS: There was plums and prunes and cherries,
And citron and raisins and cinnymon, too.
There was nutmeg, cloves and berries.
And the crust it was nail'd on with glue.
There was carroway seeds in abundance.
Sure 'twould build up a fine stomach-ache.
You would kill a man twice after 'ating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty's Christmas cake.

Miss Mulligan wanted to taste it, but really there wasn't no use.
They work'd at it over an hour and they couldn't get none of it loose
Till Fogarty wint for the hatchet and Killy came in with a saw.
That cake was enough, by the powers, to paralyze any man's jaw.

Mrs. Fogarty, proud as a peacock, kep' smilin' and blinkin' away
Till she fell over Flanigan's brogans and spill'd a whole brewin' of tay.
"Oh, Gilhooly," she cried, "you're not 'atin'. Try a little bit more for my sake."
"No, thanks, Misses Fogarty," sez I, "but I'd like the resate of that cake."

Maloney was took with the colic. McNulty complain'd of his head.
McFadden laid down on the sofy, and swore that he wish'd he was dead.
Miss Daly fell down in hysterics and there she did wriggle and shake
While ev'ry man swore he was poison'd thro' 'atin' Miss Fogarty's cake.

["resate" = receipt = recipe]