HOW TO GROW A GREAT BIG CHURCH REAL FAST

How to grow a great big church real fast (According to the church growth experts):

1. Play the music that the people want to hear.
2. Make sure you have an espresso bar.
3. Encourage your members to proselityze members from other churches.
4. Spy on other churches to find out how big a threat they are to your future domination.
5. Don’t teach or preach on controversial doctrines.
6. Don’t have a doctrinal statement, or, if you must, make sure it is very small.
7. Preach according to the plan that has been laid out for you by others.
8. Don’t practice church discipline or teach that believers should admonish one another.
9. Don’t expect people to use their spiritual gifts or serve in any way.
10. Don’t use the word “Bible” or “Baptist” or "Church" in your church name.